Enjoying the Journey

Northern Nevada's Strongest Man August 2012

Well after arguing with myself in my head about whether or not to start blogging... here I go :)

     A very good friend said something yesterday that really hit me. We were talking about strongman and how difficult it is or would be to be seriously injured and not be able to train for a length of time. 
I stated that if I were to get hurt, I would be an absolute mess. Training is what I look forward to pretty much more than anything. I love it. But my friend said, "You have to remember you are bigger than the sport. Who you are is not defined by the sport of strongman."
    Hearing him say this kind of made my gut twist. Not only the simpleness of what he said, but so powerful. I have been guilty of this for quite sometime. Looking into something else to define who I am. At least since I was involved in bodybuilding. Not getting on stage after winning my pro card made me feel empty. Like I was a total disappointment and failure to my trainer and anyone else close to me. After training so hard and doing well, I couldn't get the pieces put back together. My body wasn't clicking with dieting, I hated the thought of ever eating tilapia again, and I never felt good. But what will I do without it? Who am I without competing ? Without training?

NGA May 2010

   I guess I'm the type of person to want a challenge, to have a focus, a goal to achieve. Not to just willy-nilly a 30 minute cardio session, maybe followed up by a few crunches 4-5 days a week. No. I wanted to be achieving something bigger than that. Something that I thought was bigger than myself. 
     About a year ago I was blessed to be introduced to the sport of strongman. I had no idea what it even was or what I was getting myself in to. The first day I trained I was amazed I could press the 100lb log over my head and I lifted one power stair implement onto one platform. I was clueless, but something within me clicked and I was hooked. I continued to train and continued to love it but I still struggled with the fact that I still hadn't been back on stage. I committed to another bodybuilding contest and decided to let go of strongman training for awhile. I was leaning down, but not quickly and my calories were already so low, my trainer refused to starve me through weeks of hell and risk my health...

Well, I ended up taking a job and moving across the country. Long story short the months following, my life felt like I was getting flipped upside down and inside out. I won't even jump into all the details, but it was a mess. And not only could I not really train any strongman events, but I also kept injuring my back (which ill speak more of at a different time). 

     So I was lost. I couldn't train. I struggled with deciding if I was going to try to get enough stuff rounded up to for strongman, or just realize I was in over my head and should just go back to bodybuilding. There it was again. That emptiness. Nothing to focus on. Feeling as I only continued to fail and needed to do something, anything to find that fulfillment. Along with my long story, I ended up moving back to Boise. The day I got back I went to Genesis to train strongman. This is what I wanted to do. I thought about strongman and training with the crew again the entire 29 hours of driving back to Idaho. Besides being with my family again, it was the only thing that didn't cause tears to pour down my face. 

     Even though I felt somewhat foolish for thinking I could ever be competitive in a sport against women that outweighed me by numerous pounds and had far more strength and experience, I knew I had to try. Not to prove anything. Not to show that I wasn't a failure. Not because I felt like I couldn't compete any longer in bodybuilding. But because I loved strongman. I loved to challenge my body and my mind. I loved the feeling of pure exhaustion after a day of event training. I loved the camaraderie of training with a crew and screaming at each other not to give up. 

     But something that seems to happen when you gain a really strong passion for something, you forget who you are outside of that. I love strongman. But strongman doesn't define me. Fitness doesn't define me. A certain weight or measurement doesn't define me. A PR doesn't define me. 
I was reminded today that I don't train in search of something bigger than myself, but I train because I'm bigger than all of it. I'm bigger than all of the doubt and confusion. Bigger than the fear of failure and disappointment. I am strong and I have found something that I love. I am very blessed to challenge myself daily through training and the many lessons it has taught me. I am learning to believe in myself and enjoy this crazy journey. 



Cheers to an end of an unforgettable 2012, and to the amazing things coming in 2013. 
-GetStrongerRP